Category Archives: Random Thoughts

Apr 29 2015
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Random Thoughts

Eight Ways to Encourage a Single Person (instead of the dumb stuff you usually say)

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We know you mean well, we really do, which is why you won’t hear people bringing this up, but many married people simply don’t know how to encourage a single person. This is a loving open letter from all us single people to all of our married friends asking for you to think about these statements from our perspective, but more importantly, offering an alternative for you to try out instead.

Don’t Say “It’ll happen eventually”

We know you’re trying to sound encouraging, but this one is simply a statement you can not back up. It might happen. It might not. Either way you don’t know. I’ve heard of Christian singles picking out their wedding date despite not having met anyone – because of people saying things like this. (It didn’t work out by the way.) Statements like this can come off as patronizing to any single person. To someone who is really struggling with loneliness, though it can almost feel like you’re mocking them, especially if the person speaking is happily married. Also, what if the person you’re talking to is going to be single the rest of their life and do great things because of the availability that comes with being single? Don’t assume just because you like them, or because they want to get married, they must therefore eventually find someone with whom they are compatible or that their highest calling is marriage.

Do say: “It seems like someone as great as you would make a great husband/wife, I hope it happens for you.”

This is what you really mean anyway. You can’t possibly know that someone is going to get married, but you can see that they have the qualities that would make a good spouse and most of us can accept that compliment more easily. Also it doesn’t set you up as some sort of marriage clairvoyant who, because of your own marriage, has secret marriage knowledge and is able to divine these things for other people.

Don’t say: “You should take (only eligible person around) on a date!”

I know in the movies it’s a common plot device that the guy or girl suddenly notices the girl or guy that he or she’s seen every day and realizes that she or he is who he or she’s needed in his or her life all along. But this is a far less common story in real life. In real life, if there are two single people who are around each other and they’re not dating, there is probably a good reason, the most common one being that at least one of them isn’t attracted to the other. That’s ok. Don’t freak out on “Bill” because he isn’t attracted to that super awesome cute “Linda”. There’s probably some guy like “John” out there who is having the exact same conversation elsewhere that is the right person for “Linda”. And likewise there might be another super awesome “Alice” out there for “Bill.” Don’t flippantly doll out matches, unless you’re prepared to do the counseling.

Assuming you have a healthy marriage, consider this: Imagine you had never met your spouse. Now look at the closest single person around and ask yourself if you’d date that person. It takes more than proximity to create a match.

Do Say: “How can I pray for you?”

People don’t say this often enough to each other period, but keep in mind that single people may not have anyone who says it to them on a regular basis. If you’re close enough to suggest a date, you’re close enough to pray. They may ask you to pray for them about taking “Linda” on a date. Or they may just say thanks.

Update: Had a person say to me they don’t like it when people ask this because it sounds condescending. Yes, out of the clear blue sky it can be, so let me add this: don’t be condescending. Sit and listen a while before you ask this and don’t make a big show over asking it – say it with the same inflection you might say “so what’s going on in your life?”

Don’t Say: “How do you feel about blind dates?”

I can answer that question now: they pretty much suck. Few people get excited about blind dates. The immediate emphasis is on appearance, which may not always be a person’s best selling point.

Do Say: “We’re having a party at our home on Friday, why don’t you come?”

If you want your single friends to meet, let them do it in a casual environment. Also, single people, especially in the church, are often left out of the gatherings of married people. How else can we see what a good marriage looks like if we’re not around them? Invite single people to events because they might need some time with a family to recoup and feel encouraged.

Don’t Say: “It happens when you least expect it/when you’re ready/God wants you to work on you/once you’ve found your identity in Christ then the right person will come along.”

None of these are true. I know many people who were expecting to get married in college and guess what? They did. I know a few older folks who never expected to get married and low and behold, they never have. I also know some single people that are more ready for marriage than some people who have been married for years.

Just because someone is single doesn’t mean that there is a deep spiritual cause for their singleness and that it must mean that God wants them to learn something and reach some sort of spiritual “next level” before they can unlock the “marriage achievement.” This isn’t a video game. Marriage is not some higher plane of existence that you can get to if you just try harder. Not everyone in a God-ordained marriage was “ready” when they tied the knot, and it certainly doesn’t mean that single people are automatically less spiritually mature. Again, we know you’re trying to be helpful, but these are not true.

Do say: “God loves you, spend time with him.” 

because he does and everyone should.  Single people do need to lean into God in a way that they might not always be challenged to do so. I’ve heard the question “What if marriage wasn’t meant to make you happy, but to make you holy?” I think that’s a great question as long as we believe that being single should offer the same challenge.

While this sounds cliché, it also has the benefit of being true.

Don’t say: “Enjoy being single because once you’re married and have children, you won’t know what you did with all your time.”

Maybe that was true for you. Maybe when you were single you sat around and did nothing all day. Me? I’m working 40-60 hours a week at my main job, taking freelance jobs and occasionally teaching as an adjunct professor locally. In my “free” time I’m working on an MFA in film and writing a series of novels for the fun of it. I also own a home that I maintain. I lead a small group. I cook. I blog. I train in mixed martial arts every week. I have a dog that I take on walks in the park. And yes, I do hang out with my friends a couple of nights a week and I watch TV. I do get to sleep in past seven a.m. many days and I have quiet dinners at home. But just because my life has luxuries that parents don’t have time for doesn’t mean I’m wasting all my time.

Do say: “You’d make a great mom/dad”

Personally I think this is one of the highest compliments you can give a person. I’ve often said that a person can’t pass on what they don’t have. To say someone would make a good parent is paying so many compliments at once – it says you’re a hard worker, that you’re selfless, mature, disciplined, principled, yet patient, humble, & wise. Also it might be God’s calling for that single person to get involved in a a mentor relationship with a kid who has an absentee parent, and you might be the person to encourage them to do that.

Update: I had some female singles say that this really depresses them to hear, so I’ll make an amendment: For single women who you really think would make a good mother, ask them if they have considered foster care. It may sound crazy, but if caring for children is something they’re passionate about, they might just be called to it and frankly it’s fulfilling the call of James 1:27 to care for the widow and orphan.

Don’t say: “You’re single, (therefore) you like to/don’t want to ________”

Every single person is different. Some single people hate being around little kids, but many are glad to help a young family out. Some single men don’t know how to cook, others are amateur chefs. At least once I’ve heard about a gathering of some married acquaintances to which I was not invited. When I asked about it I was told “You’re single, you don’t want to be around a bunch of kids.” Why would single people automatically hate children?

I’ve had several young fathers act as if it would be torturous for me to be around their kids. We don’t all hate children. Spending time with people at every stage of life is one of the easiest ways to get out of yourself and learn valuable life lessons. We can’t, as Christians, say that Children are gifts from God and the rearing and teaching of them as a part of a family and Christian community is of the utmost importance – and then say in the next breath that Children are a hindrance to Christian community. Maybe there are some single people who don’t like kids, but even if there are, I’d still invite them to hang out in hopes that they’d get outside of their own head.

Do say: “So hey, what do you like to do?”

Single folks who are new in town need friends. Couples at least have each other. Singles are, well single. Try to connect with us, make friends, find out what we’re passionate about. Invest in us and we’ll invest back. A single friend who is loyal is very valuable; they often do have more free time than friends who are married and they might even help you move next time you have to, just because they want the company.

Don’t say: “When you are married/have kids then you’ll understand.”

For one thing, they may never get married, and if they do they might not have children. For another thing, just because there was something in your life that you didn’t understand until marriage doesn’t mean that’s the case for all of humanity. Mother Theresa never married or had children, but she understood more about children and selflessness than most of us will. The Apostle Paul wrote over half of the New Testament. He never married; could you picture saying that to him? I’ve even had someone tell me that manhood doesn’t start until you have your first child. I think that must be true for some men who choose not to grow up until absolutely necessary, but if you believe that to be universally true, then you’ll have to explain to me how Jesus Christ managed to get through life without getting married and having children, yet we’re told he is our example of how to be human.

Do say: “Here’s what I wish I’d known when I was single…”

If you had some maturing moments early in you marriage or shortly after becoming a parent, then feel free to share them, we want to garner wisdom from wherever it comes, but don’t be shocked if maybe we’ve already learned the lesson you had to learn through marriage. God uses marriage to make us holy, but it’s not the only thing he uses. So share your knowledge, share your experience, but please be humble and don’t act as if it’s impossible that we know things that you don’t. I had a married couple with whom I’m close send me a link to a sermon series about being single and they said they’d wished they heard it before getting married. It was not only helpful to me, it was helpful in my relating to them as I realized what challenges they had overcome in their relationship.

Don’t Say: “Never get married/be glad you’re single”

The grass is always greener. Marriage is tough. So is being single. A healthy marriage will have it’s challenges, but if you have serious issues you shouldn’t be complaining randomly to anyone – you should be seeking counsel. Don’t assume that the single person you’re talking to is having fun all the time. Don’t assume that if they were to get married, their marriage will do the same as yours. Don’t mouth off about your lousy marriage. Get help. Yes marriage is hard work, but would you give it up? If so, you don’t need to be talking to us, you need to be talking to a counselor. Very few single people think marriage is perfect. Don’t forget, most of us had parents; it’s not like we’ve never seen a marriage up close.

Do Say: “I see God using you.”

This is a hugely affirming thing to say to anyone, but if you can highlight it for a single person it can be even more so. For spouses, and even more so for parents, there is a clarity of purpose that comes with the office. If you’re a husband your job is to love your wife as Christ loved the church. If you’re a mother your job is to bring up your children in the way that they should go. While these are hard tasks, you at least know what your tasks are. As a single person, we don’t have that kind of clarity automatically, so we’re often searching for it and searching for affirmation when we think we’ve found it. It’s easier to deal with the occasional loneliness of being single if we feel like God is using our marital status for his good. If someone else sees it, then it reinforces that feeling and is the kind of encouragement that allows us to keep on doing that thing. By this same token if you see a single person who isn’t serving God in a fruitful way, it might be for you to challenge them in a loving way to do something to get outside of themselves and search for that calling.

Jun 02 2014
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Musings, Random Thoughts, Spirituality

What I want to hear God say.

I always enjoyed watching Inside the Actors Studio when I was in high school. My mom being a theatre teacher, we always listened to actors pretentiously explain their craft while they were adored by the majestic James Lipton. I especially liked the length of the interview which allowed the actor to cover more ground than they might in a normal talk show. As much as I made fun of it, I did enjoy the show and I really appreciated Lipton’s love of performers of any genre and background. Every episode, no matter if he was interviewing Ian McKellen or Desmond Diamond, Mr Lipton ends with the Pivot Questionnaire. The last question on the survey was, “If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?”

james lipton

I hadn’t thought too hard about this because I basically knew the answer and I think many Christians would say the same thing: “Well done my good and faithful servant.” I’ve always identified with the idea of servanthood to a worthy King. I’ve rarely had trouble finding myself aligning with that metaphor for our role in Christ’s kingdom. But recently it came alive for me in a new way.

What’s Tom Hiddleston doing on my blog?

 

 I was recently listening episode of a podcast that featured an interview with Tom Hiddleston. If you know of Tom Hiddleston, it’s probably from his role as Loki in the Avengers movies. If you’re not a Marvel fan, you may know him from his role in Steven Spielberg’s War Horse. In this interview Tom talked about what it was like to work with Spielberg. The interviewer compared it to the scene at the end of Amadeus in which Mozart is dictating his final piece to Salieri. Salieri says that it was as if Mozart was receiving the music directly from heaven. Hiddleston said that watching Spielberg set up a shot was amazing. He said that he was a true master, but that the most amazing thing about him wasn’t his talent, his knowledge, or his creativity. The first thing about Spielberg that impressed Tom was how humble the great director was. Specifically, Tom recalled one scene in which his character was alone on camera. It was a scene that was especially difficult, emotional, and intimate. Spielberg dismissed the camera crew and asked Tom if it was alright if he operated camera. Hiddleston agreed of course. After the first take Spielberg had a few notes for him.  And Tom agreed and they moved onto take two. After take two Spielberg lit up and said that it was perfect and he started to move on. Hiddleston stopped him and asked if he could do a third take. Spielberg told him he didn’t need to, that the second take was good, but Tom pleaded with him and said that he could do it even better now that he knew what Spielberg was looking for.

 

They shot the third take and when it was done Spielberg just said, “Take two was pretty good.” He seemed pretty unconvinced. When they wrapped for the day Spielberg told Tom that he would be reviewing the footage this weekend and that he would let him know what he went with. The next Monday when Tom came to set, he saw Spielberg who simply said, “Tom, take three’s in the movie.” He proceeded to emphasize what an honor it was to have contributed even in a small way to the master’s work.tumblr_mjrgajYUcx1rqiulxo8_250

Everyone is Creative…yes really

I’m a strong believer that “uncreative people” simply do not exist. There are only people who haven’t discovered their brand of creativity. Some people are creative in their hospitality, other people are creative with financial management. Some people are creative with physics and chemistry, other people are creative in their encouragement. Not everyone is artistically creative, but everyone is creative in some way. How you choose to use that creativity will determine the focus of your life.

So my question is: are you settling for take 2 – just doing whatever is the “right thing” to do – or are you asking for take 3? Take 3 looks like a group of medical professionals donating their time to people in their community who can’t afford healthcare. Take 3 looks like men who choose to spend their retirement building wheelchair ramps for people with disabilities. Take 3 looks like  a successful TV director going to work at a Christian school so he can ensure there are skilled Christ-followers in the entertainment industry. Take 3 looks like a college student who spent his saturdays teaching impoverished children how to sing Christ’s praises. Take 3 looks like a husband who doesn’t hesitate to give his wife a kidney. Take 3 looks like a family adopting a child when they already had two, three, or four children. Take 3 looks like empty nesters making themselves available for foster and respite care. Take 3 looks like a teenager taking his free time to lead a small group of his peers. Take 3 looks like a young man who starts a non-profit to support an orphanage in africa. Take 3 looks like a church that starts a free clinic in their community. Take 3 looks like people who take a day off to help build a house for people who need a fresh start. Take 3 looks like a father picking up the pieces of a shattered life and doing the hard work of teaching his daughter what he was never taught by his parents.

What I want to hear God say.

So for me, as one of these creative people, I just want to know that I’ve been able to contribute to the master’s work. I want to hear God say, “Will, take 3’s in the movie.”

 Thanks for reading. Please like and share. 

Jun 25 2013
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Musings, Random Thoughts, Spirituality

Five popular sayings that are total Crap.

I’m mostly neutral toward Pintrest. It seems like a good place for people (mostly women) to get ideas (mostly crafts and recipes.) One thing I cannot stand is these cutesy photos with some popular cliché – that get repinned to my facebook feed. Most of the time these sayings are false, even if they sound nice.

I Heart Accuracy

1) “Follow your heart” –

OMGoodness. This is a slightly more appealing way of saying “If it feels good, do it.” That simply is not a good life plan. People who “follow their heart” will wind up disappointed with life because they lived it entirely for themselves. Don’t follow your heart, follow the heart of Jesus.

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2) “Life/The Universe Works in Mysterious Ways” –

Life doesn’t WORK. Neither life nor the Universe are sentient entities. Life is a gift given by our Creator who does work in mysterious ways. The Universe is the place that He created. This is a bastardized scripture verse and aside from the fact that it doesn’t make sense; it’s like saying “cheese” or “the table”  works in mysterious ways. People say this when they’re afraid of sounding crazy for saying “God.” If you believe God is doing something, say so, but the universe isn’t working for or against you.

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3) “Everything Happens for a Reason” –

no where in scripture are we told that everything happens for a specific spiritual reason. We are told that all things work together for the good of those who love the Lord – but that isn’t the same thing. Don’t kid yourself by trying to assign transcendental meaning to every little thing that happens. Sure, maybe you missed that plane because God didn’t want you to make it to your brother’s wedding – or maybe you missed it because you were irresponsible.

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4) “God made you perfect” –

again, this is one of those hallmark-type sayings that people use to excuse shortcomings. God did make you the way he intended, but you were conceived in a world that is fallen. That means from the moment God began to knit you together, there began a war in your life. God is on one side and the forces of darkness in this world are all on the other. Because of this war, you’re going to have challenges, some won’t be your fault and you can choose whether you’re going to be a victim about it or whether you can overcome it. God loves you just the way you are, but that doesn’t mean he want’s you to be satisfied with the way you are. The Christian life is about constant growth. Growth is change.

fair warning this video has some salty language

http://www.hulu.com/watch/319318

5) “You can do anything” –

I have railed against this saying in previous posts because I believe that it results in an entitled attitude. I don’t care what your parents, teachers, professors, youth pastors or preachers told you. On your own you can’t do just anything. You CAN do anything THROUGH CHRIST – who isn’t a genie, but a reigning King in our lives. If he commands it and it seems impossible, then remember that through him you can do anything. If your plans are for you, however, there are no guarantees.

Jan 12 2013
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Random Thoughts

Three really cool devices to make your home awesome (Videos)

Here are a few devices that can save you time and even money.

The Nest Learning Thermostat

Nest is a company started by Tony Fadell, one of the designers of the original iPod. You may think “It’s a thermostat. Why would I need a fancier thermostat?” But this thing is truly amazing. Even at the $250 price point the company says you’ll make back the money on energy savings in less than two years and every year after that you can expect energy savings of $100-$150.

The way it works is simple: Any time you adjust the air, leave your house, or return it memorizes it and uses that to make a schedule for your heating and air. After a while it will automatically keep your schedule and make sure that energy is being saved. If you make changes, it will change with you. You can make adjustments to it with your phone from anywhere. It’s pretty darn cool.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L8TkhHgkBsg

Lockitron: Keyless Entry for your house

The first wifi locks from lockitron were released a year ago, and now they’re looking to create something even better. Now before you get all worried about hackers breaking into your wifi lock you should know that Lockitron uses the same level of security that banks use on the internet to protect your information. Lockitron’s latest product hasn’t been released yet, but they’re available at an introductory price of $150, which is pretty good IMHO.

If you have an iPhone then the Lockitron will recognize your phone’s unique UDID via bluetooth. When you walk up to your door it unlocks, when you walk away from your door it locks back. If you have a friend that needs to get into your house while your’e away then just have them text you when they need to be let in and you can unlock the door. I think it’s down right nifty.

Philips Hue Connected Lightbulbs

Most everyone knows by this time that CFL Light Bulbs save lots of energy. But they also contain dangerous mercury and studies have shown that the wavelength of light they put off can cause headaches and even depression. The answer is LED lighting, which until now hasn’t been readily available to the consumer. If you cut down your energy consumption already with CFLs then you can reduce your power bill even more by switching to LEDs. Philips has released a set of LED lights that are connected wirelessly to your home network. So in addition to saving power when they’re on these lights can automatically shut off, dim, brighten, and even change colors throughout the day according to your schedule.

In addition each bulb can generate tons of different colors including color schemes designed to promote relaxation, concentration, or vision for when you’re reading. The lights can be networked together to work in chorus. They can also be turned on and off from anywhere with the iOS app that also allows color mixing. These bulbs also use 1/10 the energy of traditional light bulbs. The drawback is the price. At $200 for the starter kit (that includes a measly three bulbs and the wireless bridge) and $60 for every bulb after that you won’t be replacing every bulb at once, but as they’re projected to last 8-10 years and save money on your power bill, you might find that they’re not a bad investment plus they’re just plain neato.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IT5W_Mjuz5I

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Dec 26 2012
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Everything Else, Movies & TV, Random Thoughts

A few Thoughts on Les Mis

les-miserables-2012-comparison-poster

Here’s what you need to know first:

– First you need to know that I’m a pretty big fan of the stage musical, which I first saw live when I was only 11. It was performed by a broadway touring group at the Johnny Mercer theater in Savannah GA. I’ve seen it live one more time since and have seen the PBS broadcast of the 25th anniversary numerous times. I have been a fan for most of the past two decades.

– I’m also a big fan of the 1998 film adaption starring Liam Neeson and Geoffrey Rush. No, it’s not the musical, but to me it caught the essence of the story in a beautifully acted and wonderfully shot film.

What I liked:

– As for the 2012 film: The performances by the actors were excellent, especially due to the fact that the music was being captured live on the set at the time of the shooting: something that is almost never been done for a movie musical. As a result the performance controlled the pace of the music, not the other way around. This resulted in some really powerful moments.

– I love the story of Les Mis more than any adaptation of it, so as long as any given adaptation stays true to the story I will like ultimately.  As this edition stayed entirely true to the story, I accept it into the pantheon of interpretations there have been of this musical. I especially love that they didn’t skimp on the Gospel message which is clearly contained in the plot.

– Casting. Hugh Jackman was a great Valjean and… well I could go down the list. If you could get used to Russell Crowe’s singing style then there wasn’t really a weak one in the bunch and most of them were very good.

What disappointed me:

– The cinematography. The movie looked beautiful, but it lacked a great deal of variety in the way it was shot. I’m sure that because they were recording the singing live the director wanted to emphasize the resulting performances, so every solo is done almost entirely in close up. This succeeds in showing all the nuance and skill the actors had, but doesn’t take full advantage of the medium.  There are few establishing shots that give you the scope of a scene at it’s beginning. Only at the big finish do we see where we are and by that time the scene is over. They also do little to explore the space. In this sense they might have well have been a stage show. Almost all the solos take place within a space of ten square feet. There’s no walking around an entire huge space or passing from location to location – something that you can only do on film. Randomly they would have these very awesome crane shots that  were almost distracting as they seemed so out of place in what was a lot of stationary camera work. Also there are several really random uses of canted angle that seemed very out of place. A couple of times I thought “Is this building supposed to leaning?”

– There were also shots where they had chosen the musical performance over perfection. In the scene where Valjean is buying Cosette’s freedom you can catch her looking right into the camera for a few seconds while Thenardier grabs her and begins to haggle. There are also a few shots where you can tell that the Steadicam rig bumped into something mid-movement and the frame shakes randomly. This is perhaps most noticeable during the scene after the Bishop frees Valjean; when Jackman is circumambulating (again within his ten square feet) the bishop’s chapel.

But, at the end of the day…

I loved it, even if there were some thing I didn’t like about it. It’s such an incredibly powerful story, heavy with theological themes – especially surrounding grace. I would really recommend seeing it – it will tug at your heartstrings, and if you don’t find yourself crying by the ending then you might be an evil robot sent to destroy us. Just a heads up.

Sep 21 2012
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Random Thoughts

The Millennial Generation: An Introduction

I’m a member of gen Y, the Millennial generation, the mosaic generation, the screenagers. There are many varying ideas of what ages Gen Y consists of, but I believe that it ranges from those born in 1982 up to those born in 2000. Those people now aged about 12-30. Here are a few facts about us.

  • The Millennial Generation is the one that famously scored lower on math and science than almost all developed countries yet when asked how they thought they’d done they ranked the highest in confidence.The following clip is from the documentary Waiting for Superman.

  • But, as a result we’re generally positive. Because we’re so stupidly confidant we often do things that were thought too difficult by others because we’re too stupid to know they’re impossible.
  • We’re also not resigned to the world ending soon, because we know that if it doesn’t we’re stuck with it after the other generations are gone. That’s why we want to be good stewards and recycle. We don’t want to be living in trash heaps in our retirement.
  • We’re high maintenance, but it’s not totally our fault – it’s the way we’ve been conditioned. Most of our parents were extremely affirming. In a science fair or archery tournament we didn’t have to achieve anything, yet we’d get a ribbon just for participating. We’d play video games and after 2-40 hours we’d save the world. We’re used to instant gratification and lots of positive feedback. We need affirmation.

  • But we’re also high productivity. Mellinials are highly perfectionistic, but also efficient with time. Daniel Pink, an expert in the field of human motivation, says that this is why, despite our age, gen Y is starting at higher power positions than that which many members of gen X are still working.
  • Entitled. In a survey that’s the number one word that’s used to describe us by our employers when we first got into the work force and it is incredibly true. It’s what I hate most about my generation.

    sorry Varuca Salt, you can’t have the whole world right now.

  • We’re suckers for social Justice. Talk about rescuing orphans from sex-trafficking or feeding the poor an you have our attention. As a group we largely believe (incorrectly) that we’re the first generation to care about the poor, the widows and orphans. We do want the world to be a better place and haven’t given up on it yet (as we believe our parents have.)
  • “Fassionate” Is the term used by Dr. Tim Elmore to describe mellinials. It reflects Gen Y’s desire to be fashionably compassionate – that’s why organizations like TOMS, Charity Water and Warby Parker are popular with mellinials. Because they’re good causes that also make you look good by participating in them. Superficial? Absolutely. Admirable? Somewhat. Hey at least we want to appear to care about others.

Woah. Check out the altruism on her.

  • We’re more family oriented than the past two generations. Every year US high school graduates take an exit survey that has an array of questions. On of the questions is “who is your hero?” We were the first generation to not select “a celebrity” as our most common answer, but rather we said that our parents are our heroes. I know I did.
  • We are generally restless and impatient. We need stimulus. This is often times improperly diagnosed as ADD. I call it having a hungry brain and a drive to act.
  • We’re good at processing large amounts of information. Because we were born in the information age. Information is like air to us. Consider this:

 In 1985, the year I was born, it was estimated that the world contained the equivalent of 2.64 billion gigabytes of information. That includes all print, audio and video media that was in either digital or analog form. In 2007 it was estimated that the world contained just short of 300 billion gigabytes of information. If you think that’s crazy, get this: in 2010 the amount of information in the world reached over 1 trillion gigabytes or over 1 zetabyte. What’s even more insane is that in 2011 alone we generated 1.8 zetabytes of information. That means we generated more information in 2011 than in the previous 3,000 years of human history, a rate that is only expected to increase as the years go by.

  • But often we don’t keep information we process we pass it on or we save it some place for when we want to sound smart later. We think in sound-bytes and text messages. We like edible little quotes, not long lectures.
  • We are ‘spiritual’ but not religious. Despite the fact that we are notoriously unchurched, only 23% actually consider themselves atheists. More than 50% pray before a meal an a third discuss spiritual issues regularly. Organized religion isn’t preferable, having become disillusioned with large institutions of any kind; the government, political parties, education, etc. This was famously outlined in this controversial video (with which I largely disagree) the best response to which can be found at this blog.

  • We came of age in the worst job market in recent memory. In a well-written article, Jesse Rosen responds to criticisms toward gen Y written in a New York Times article reminding the authors that we may not seem as adventurous only because we’re practical; we don’t have money and we aren’t going to go into debt. The subtext of the article is “go ahead, go to italy we’re going to be here at home trying to figure out how to save the world.”
  • We’re the most visually sophisticated generation to date. Far more than previous generations. We have access to more photos, video and artwork than any generation before us. In fifteen seconds I can have any popular painting or photo as the desktop of my Macbook.

thanks google!

  • The result is that we’re not easy to impress and that content has become king. 20 years ago someone with a TV station had a unique position of being the only one with a channel into people’s homes. Now anyone can create a youtube channel. This last year all major broadcast networks took a hit in ratings. Every major motion picture studio has released at least one “guaranteed hit” that flopped miserably. The media that wins has nothing to do with the money it costs or the channel through which it came – it has to do with content. This goofy video took 1 night to shoot and will get more views by the end of next week than Disney’s John Carter did. It’s because this video is an original idea executed in a funny way and John Carter was weird and unrelatable.

  •  Some sociologists call us the boomerang generation, or the peter pan generation – they say that we’ve refused many rights of passages that other generations embraced as a result of not wanting to accept adulthood. Most notable is how the younger half (the ones in high school now) aren’t pining for their drivers licenses as they can interact with their friends digitally just as well. This was outlined by Shaputis Kathleen in her book, The Crowded Nest Syndrome.
  • Other sociologists call us that next “Greatest Generation.”  William Strauss and Neil Howe have written two books Millennials Rising and The Fourth Turning the latter of which identifies four cycles in which generations move, the last being the time of crisis from which a great generation rises.

So yeah.

I have no concluding grand thought save for this: don’t count us out – we’re worth your time and who knows, maybe God is going to use us to save the world.

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Sep 20 2012
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Everything Else, Random Thoughts

The more you say “I don’t care what people think” The less I believe you.

I’ve seen an increase in the number of  “I don’t give a s___ what people think of me” posts out on the blogosphere lately. I remember this being a popular phrase when I was in high school so I was a little upset when I saw that ‘adults’ (or adult-age-people) were posting it.

A few issues with the “I don’t care what anyone thinks about me” statement.

  • At it’s core this is a statement about communication: it’s saying “I don’t care what I’m communicating to everyone around me.”
  • It’s not true. If it were true you wouldn’t say it, because you wouldn’t care whether anyone thought you cared. Me thinks Joan Jett doth protest to much.
  • It’s a selfish and arrogant thing to say. Think about the implications; “No one can give me any advice that can improve me.” or “No one’s opinion deserves my consideration.”
  • There are people who truly don’t care and they are called sociopaths. These people have a mental malady that makes them chronically selfish which usually makes life more difficult for them in the long run.
  • Caring what other people think isn’t the same thing as allowing them to determine everything about you. It doesn’t mean you’re dependent on that person to determine who you are. It just means you want to know if they understand you; if they get you. And yes sometimes it can mean that their opinion means a lot to you, but not always.
  • Yes you can care too much what everyone thinks, but ironically you’re probably someone who cares too much if you’re the kind of person who regularly uses this phrase.
  • Often times “Not Caring” actually means counter-dependence – it means that all you want to do is the opposite of what others want you to do – which is still dependence, just inverted.
  • If you’re a christian, believe it or not, even Jesus cared about what other people thought about him; In Mark 8 he asks his disciples “Who do you say that I am?” Not so that he could adjust to what they wanted him to be, but rather because he wanted to make sure they were getting it. He cared what they thought for their sake, not his.

To say that you care what people think about you doesn’t mean that you’re malleable or that you’re always self-conscious. It means that you’re conscious of what you’re communicating to others. It doesn’t mean that you’re willing to adjust the message. It does mean that you’re willing to adjust the means of communication. It doesn’t mean you’re a conformist. It does mean that you’re willing to appropriate the tools necessary to get your message across to everyone.

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Jun 10 2012
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Fun stuff, Random Thoughts, technology

Tomorrow Television Will Change Forever.

A couple of years ago I wrote an entry about the future of TV. One of the major players in the prediction is the Apple TV. A device that is currently a separate box with WiFi and an HDMI connector for TVs. The catalyst of this proposed future is a device and or TV that simplifies the process of developing apps, monetizes it, and rolls it out in an ecosystem that works for the US.

Most of the major networks have an app for iPad and iPhone already whereby you can watch all the most recent episodes of their current shows. If only there was a way to access the same content on demand on TV in an similar fashion while still being able to stream live events live when the time arrives.

a mock-up of Apple's new TV set

Tomorrow is Apple’s annual Word Wide Developers Conference. At the conference Apple is rumored to announce an updated line of Mac computers and an upgraded operating system for their mobile devices. Mac rumors, a website that tracks patents and leaked news, got wind of the fact that Apple will be announcing a new operating system for their apple TV device, which will presumably be the same operating system that’s used on their fabled TV set, rumored to hit the market sometime this year. Steve Jobs’ supposed final revelation was in regards to this device. Shortly before his death, Jobs talked about the new TV with his biographer, saying that he “Finally cracked it.”

We stand on the cusp of an enormous change to the way we receive television. Tomorrow at WWDC Apple will be announcing that developers can now write apps for their upcoming TV Set. What this means is that NBC, ABC, CBS, TNT, TBS, Fox and most importantly – Disney will all be able to create apps for your TV that allow you to interact with their content as they see fit. If they want a world premiere to run live – it will. If they want to make it available for a week after it showed – they can. If you want to email a friend and have them pull up a clip of a TV show right to their TV set and watch it – shebang.

Other cool features like Skype on your TV and the ability to send video messages to friends are possible as well. Advantages like being able to have a live video chat while watching a live event are also feasible. Re-airing classic shows and movies with video commentary or live chat with the stars and creators. Imagine being able to watch something on your iPhone or iPad, pause it and then resume it in full HD on your TV.

And of course let’s not forget the gaming potential. Developers can write games that can be downloaded right to your TV. Using a bluetooth or WiFi connection you can use your iPod as a touch screen controller. You can use voice activation to command the action. You can use your existing Apple game center profile to connect with friends and play co-op games. Oops! Did Apple just merge the computer and console gaming industries – I think they did.

Perhaps most intriguing in this brave new world of TV is the fact that hierarchy will soon be gone. Much like the recording industry has become obsolete in the post-modern era of internet-based marketing and delivery, soon everyone can develop an app that can deliver TV content to the world. Youtube stars and non-profits can create a an app that can sit along side your ESPN app so you can receive new content from them the same way.

When it comes to mainstream content, thought Disney is going to be the Key. I wasn’t joking earlier when I said they were most important. Disney owns the station that most men would pay a premium to have – ESPN. They also own ABC, Disney, Disney XD, ABC Family, ESPNU, 2, 3, Classic Deportes and all associated radio stations and print media. This could be a big outlet for them so long as they can monetize it. And if there is one thing that Apple is good at – it’s making money. Plus Disney and Apple are intertwined as Apple owns the majority stock in Pixar and Pixar and Disney merged a few years back.

After that comes Time Warner and News Corp. Once CNN and Fox News are on board, all of the most watched stations currently only available on cable and satellite will be available through Apple TV. Though, I feel confident that regardless of whether they make the transition cable news stations are going to see a sharp decline over the next few years as most people under 40 get their news from social media. If they don’t adapt it’s entirely likely that CNN and Fox News could both die a slow death over the next ten years.

The biggest opponent to this change is Comcast which is about as big and evil as a media corporation gets. They’ve been under investigation by the FCC constantly for questionable network neutrality, data throttling and for their efforts to block any a la carte offerings by cable stations. Unfortunately Comcast owns 51% of NBC. The fact that NBC is the lead steak holder in Hulu.com is an encouragement, but Comcast is currently the biggest cable/internet company in the States. They might try to hold out in an effort to keep cable as king. If they withhold NBC’s content that would create a large gap in the programming. Even worse if they throw their digital weight around as such to make it harder for people to use their network to access on-demand content. (They’re already suspect of such in regards to Netflix.)

At the same time NBC has been in fourth among the major broadcast networks for several years now. And all of the broadcast stations have been in decline of viewership despite over all TV viewership being on the rise. They’ll all have to follow the audience if they hope to stay relevant. It’s questionable whether stations of any kind will be needed in this new form of TV. Studios could skip the middleman and present their content right to the audience. The structure remains to be seen, but undoubtedly there will be those who adapt and those who don’t survive.

Microsoft already announced their plans to open the Xbox platform to developers in hopes of creating a similar experience – so there is competition which will drive prices down and quality up.

Believe me when I say tomorrow marks the beginning of the end for traditional television, and the dawn of something way cooler.

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Jun 09 2012
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Musings, Random Thoughts, Spirituality

A life without God

Westboro baptist church is, as you may know, an organization that claims to be a Christian church located in Topeka Kansas. I say ‘claims’ because their actions clearly show that there are large portions of the Bible that they ignore. WBC is best known for picketing the funerals of fallen soldiers and people who were openly gay. They often sport extremely hateful slogans that have no Biblical foundation and they teach their children to do the same. In the past ten years I’ve seen this church shown on national TV at least four times and I don’t even watch the news very much. It’s likely that they’ve shown up on TV much much more.

What is the significance of this? Westboro Baptist Church reports its membership at 40. The church that has probably appeared on national news more than any other single church has just 40 members.

I work at a church with seven thousand members. In my four years here we’ve made national news zero times. We’ve helped hundreds, if not thousands of people in need and we’ve seen people being healed of addictions and marriages being saved. We’ve seen people called to go work in other countries and poor neighborhoods. We’ve seen miracles take place and yet we haven’t made national news mainly because it’s not as interesting as hearing about a group of 40 really hateful people. But also because that’s not the way Christianity is depicted in the media.

In TV, film, news, books and popular music Christians are almost always shown to be ‘fundamentalists,’ ‘bigots,’ and ‘extremists.’ When statistically the average church-goer is more likely to be a nominal Christian who doesn’t know enough about their own faith to have strong thoughts on any controversial subject. That’s a problem unto itself, but it is not the one being depicted – instead we’re shown as unstable and hateful.

I haven’t heard any news stories about Mama Maggie Gobran who is living in the slums of Cairo, Egypt and working with the children there. Even Bono’s foundation to feed helpless children has gotten far less press than Sean Penn’s humanitarian efforts – the main difference between to two is their worldview. (It certainly isn’t their ability to get drunk and start fights, as they are both equally talented in that measure.) I haven’t heard a news story about Katie Davis who graduated from high school and immediately went to africa to work with diseased, disabled and otherwise less fortunate children. I don’t hear about the fact that Christianity is being persecuted more violently around the world than any other religion and that every day Christians in countries like Iran, Ethiopia and China put their lives on the line by witnessing to the truth of the Gospel. Because it’s more convenient and easy to place us all in the same box – along with these 40 hateful people.

It’s easy to take a cheap shot at Atheism and point out that almost all of the most terrible dictators have been proud Atheists. Joseph Stalin wanted to get rid of religion in the Soviet Union. Mussolini and Mao Tse-Tung wanted the same for their countries. All three were genuine monsters – killing their own people and anyone who would oppose them. At the same time one can bring up the crusades and the inquisition in relation to Christianity. So instead of basing an argument on unbalanced political leadership I’d like to look at more contemporary leadership right here in the old US of A.

In 1963 Madalyn Murray O’Hair won the landmark court case that removed prayer from public schools. It’s pretty interesting to look at the state of the public education system since then, but that’s another blog entry. O’Hair fought for her son’s right to not have the Bible read nor prayers prayed around him. Her son’s name is William Murray and he’s written a book about his life. You see, he’s a Baptist pastor now and his book entitled My life without God is all about the way his mother tried to raise her children to hate God. Aside from seeing that prayer was removed from schools Madalyn Murray O’Hair is perhaps best known as the founder of American Atheists – an organization that seeks to advance the cause of Atheism – rallying people to the cause of believing in – well, nothing.

O’Hair stole, she cheated, she lied. She broke the law on numerous occasions. She never paid taxes. She abused her children emotionally, manipulating them into unhealthy lifestyles. She and her children (and later grand children) were all morbidly obese. She believed in living ‘high off the hog.’ There wasn’t a charitable bone in her body. Before they were killed, O’Hair, Her Son Jon and William’s Daughter Robin (her granddaughter) all lived together and never separated. Jon never married – he never left his mother’s side. Robin, like her grandmother took to a decadent lifestyle and became severely overweight. None of them ever spoke to William who had become a Christian. When he first told them, they ridiculed him and called him a traitor.

O’Hair was proud of her lawless lifestyle and said she believed that the only law should be ‘do what thou will.’ She hired unrepentant convicted felons who were known for their violent crimes. She claimed that she supported their lifestyle. Ultimately this is what led to her death. A former employee kidnapped her, her son and granddaughter. All three of them were brutally murdered by one of her fellow Atheists.

William Murray said

My mother was an evil person … Not for removing prayer from America’s schools … No … She was just evil. She stole huge amounts of money. She misused the trust of people. She cheated children out of their parents’ inheritance. She cheated on her taxes and even stole from her own organizations. She once printed up phony stock certificates on her own printing press to try to take over another atheist publishing company.

This happened all within my lifetime and yet I don’t remember hearing about it. Maybe you did, but I didn’t.

I say all this because these aren’t some obscure people on the outskirts of the Atheist movement. These were the leaders – and yet it is the Christians that are depicted as foolish and hate filled. When I encounter this kind of hate I get angry. Then I get sad. Then I get energized to show the world the love of Christ.

In reality the difference between the Christian life and a life without God is quite simple.

The acts of the flesh are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God.

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.

Galatians 5:18-23

 

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May 23 2012
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Everything Else, Random Thoughts

10 Things this single guy has learned about marriage.

Over the past month I got to interview 18 couples about what it is that makes their marriage strong. I asked them lots of questions. I asked if there was anything they wished they had known before they were married. I asked them about things they do together that keep their relationship strong. I asked them what habits they have that help maintain their marriage. Some couples had been through illness, some couples had been through divorces, some couples met when they were kids others didn’t get together until they were adults. We talked about their mission as a couple. We talked about how they met. We talked about the advice they’d give to new couples. We talked about what they would say to a couple who’s considering divorce. I edited these interviews down to six videos totaling to about 27 minutes.

I tried my best to capture the thoughts of these people in the videos but it’s not possible to capture five hours worth of interviews in less than half an hour. So here is a summary of my findings in simple terms.

[list]
[list_item icon=”fa-home(Check Font awesomes for Icon Class Names)” color=”#ffd600″]As with everything else in life ITS NOT ABOUT YOU. If you get married just to get something, you’re going to be disappointed. If you’re always looking out for the needs of the other then you’ll be far happier than if you were only concerned with your own needs. What happens is reciprocity; when you empty yourself out the other person can’t help but give of themselves.[/list_item]

[list_item icon=”fa-home(Check Font awesomes for Icon Class Names)” color=”#ffd600″]As with everything else in life ITS NOT ABOUT YOU. If you get married just to get something, you’re going to be disappointed. If you’re always looking out for the needs of the other then you’ll be far happier than if you were only concerned with your own needs. What happens is reciprocity; when you empty yourself out the other person can’t help but give of themselves.[/list_item]

[list_item icon=”fa-home(Check Font awesomes for Icon Class Names)” color=”#ffd600″]Apparently married sex gets awesome after 40. I had two couples tell me this. No joke. One man said “Sweet Moses – it’s insane.”[/list_item]

[list_item icon=”fa-home(Check Font awesomes for Icon Class Names)” color=”#ffd600″]Several people said it’s more important to like your spouse than to love them. All of these people were women. I think that’s because when women think ‘love’ they think romance. They simply recognize that the romantic part of love isn’t the most important part. Endearing companionship is a more important aspect of love than romance. Romance is very important, but it’s not where you’ll live most of the time.[/list_item]

[list_item icon=”fa-home(Check Font awesomes for Icon Class Names)” color=”#ffd600″]Your spouse is no replacement for God. You can’t place that kind of faith in a person.[/list_item]

[list_item icon=”fa-home(Check Font awesomes for Icon Class Names)” color=”#ffd600″]Most people start by saying “We don’t have the perfect marriage.” That seems silly. The perfect marriage doesn’t exist. So don’t try to fool anyone – your marriage is just as imperfect as the next guy’s. You have fights, you may have even had some serious issues, but that’s okay. Don’t hold your marriage as an Idol.[/list_item]

[list_item icon=”fa-home(Check Font awesomes for Icon Class Names)” color=”#ffd600″]Most people start by saying “We don’t have the perfect marriage.” That seems silly. The perfect marriage doesn’t exist. So don’t try to fool anyone – your marriage is just as imperfect as the next guy’s. You have fights, you may have even had some serious issues, but that’s okay. Don’t hold your marriage as an Idol.[/list_item]

[list_item icon=”fa-home(Check Font awesomes for Icon Class Names)” color=”#ffd600″]Divorce is terrible. It effects the people getting divorced far more than they expect it to, but it also effects everyone around them. There is no exaggeration for the destructive power that divorce has. It is not worth it. It is most definitely not a ‘reset’ button for you life. You cannot get married, get divorced and just ‘go back’ to the way things were.[/list_item]

[list_item icon=”fa-home(Check Font awesomes for Icon Class Names)” color=”#ffd600″]Several women said that they were surprised to find out that they can’t change their husband. This sounds obvious, but don’t marry someone you don’t like, because while they can change, you can’t change them. It’s the Holy Spirit’s Job to change people. It’s your job to love them.[/list_item]

[list_item icon=”fa-home(Check Font awesomes for Icon Class Names)” color=”#ffd600″]Several women said that they were surprised to find out that they can’t change their husband. This sounds obvious, but don’t marry someone you don’t like, because while they can change, you can’t change them. It’s the Holy Spirit’s Job to change people. It’s your job to love them.[/list_item]

[list_item icon=”fa-home(Check Font awesomes for Icon Class Names)” color=”#ffd600″]Marriage is really hard sometimes. Really really hard. But it is worth it.[/list_item]

[list_item icon=”fa-home(Check Font awesomes for Icon Class Names)” color=”#ffd600″]We’re not big enough to fix all of our problems on our own. Counseling isn’t for broken marriages it’s for marriages that don’t want to break.[/list_item]

[list_item icon=”fa-home(Check Font awesomes for Icon Class Names)” color=”#ffd600″]It only gets better. The couples that had been married 40-60+ years all said that marriage only gets better as time goes by.[/list_item]

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